Troubled Mind
by T1nyDanc3r
Summary: Alternate ending to Mockingjay. In which Katniss was the one kidnapped instead of Peeta, and though wasn't hijacked, she was sent way over the edge. And once you're there, it's hard to climb back out. Rated T for swearing, depression, and suicidal tendencies. Warning: character deaths. Read at your own risk. One Shot.


**Heyaaaa:D been a long time since I posted here.. Woops. **

**Well I'm back, for I don't know what, but I'm sorry for those who follow me because of my stories, like the sequel to The Resistance (The Hunger Games fanfiction), and Black And White (Rise of the Guardians fanfiction). And if you're just passing by, well, feel free to check those others out! **

**Anyways, I've been going through some interesting moments in life.. ups, downs, turn around, that stuff. And in the midst of that, I wrote this, depressing one shot, while listening to "Troubled Mind" by Marina and the Diamonds. It had been in the point of view of my OC Mali Hartley, but I was able to change it so it can fit as an alternate versioned ending to Mockingjay.**

**Warning: If you don't like suicidal tendencies, depression, swearing, and tragedies, then don't continue. **

**If you do, well, I'd appreciate some feedback considering this is my first time writing a type of dark thing like this. **

**I also apologize for any OOC-ness, because I know how annoying that is.**

**Now enjoy:) hope it tugs on your heart strings! And read and review!**

**Diaclaimer: I don't own THG franchise. All mentions of it are thanks to Suzanne Collins, so go thank her for it. **

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Katniss Everdeen

She stood in front of the mirror for what seemed to be the thousandth time, longing, hoping, that maybe the reflection and the outcome would change. Instead, she found the same thing as always. Same girl, same scars, same pain in those once intimidating gray eyes that have long since lost all their light, all their defiance, all their strength. Now, they're filled with a weakness no one thought it was possible to find in the great Katniss Everdeen, the Victor of the 74th Hunger Games, one of the survivors of the 3rd Quarter Quell, and the symbol of the rebellion-the Mockingjay. Even SHE never thought she could feel this type of inexplicable void, this inexplicable hatred towards her own image, but it's there, and it's there to stay. Tears rolled down her bony cheeks, brushing against the despicable knife scar that's forever attached to her face as a reminder, one of the mocking reminders of how weak she truly is.

She shook her head in anger and proceeded to glare at her reflection, whispering in a voice that's as broken as shards of glass, "Is it worth it anymore? Is it?! Am I worth anything?"

As usual, she's met with haunting silence, a silence that can only be described as the way life's teasing her mercilessly. By not giving her an answer it was just confirming what she believes: _She's not worth a thing_. No one could make her believe otherwise anymore, but who was going to? She had no one. About a few months after she escaped the Capitol's clutches, she tried to maintain herself together, but everything slowly came crumbling down. One by one, the dominoes fell, the next being worst than the last. It was bad enough the President had tortured her to the brink of insanity, but life just wasn't going to let her forget what a pain she truly was. She knows that everything really started to fall apart when she went with a group to battle and failed to pay attention to the traps. She had a hunter's mind, so, shouldn't she have been more alert? People tried to convince her that it was an honest mistake considering the hell she'd been through, but that mistake caused the death of her troops, including Finnick Odair. He was 24. Dead at 24. Telling Annie was the worst part. Katniss expected her reaction to be of a heartbroken child who just found out something horrible. She expected the poor mad girl to sink into Johanna Mason's arms and sob until she couldn't anymore.

Very mistaken she was...

Annie yelled. She yelled at the top of her lungs, screaming profanities that Katniss never thought she even knew. The tears were there, but the rage decided to take over first. She threw things, punched walls, and lastly tackled Katniss, a look of pure savagery in her eyes. Katniss knew she was lucky when Peeta was able to pull her off, preventing any physical injuries, but the emotional ones were stabbing at her heart more than any punch would've.

"It's your fault!", Annie screamed through her sobs, struggling against the boy's tight grip on her. "It's your fault! You killed him! You killed my only family left! I hate you! I hate you, Katniss Everdeen!"

People tried to reassure her that Annie said those those things things out of anger, grief, and pure insanity, but all Katniss heard was the hate, the pain, the harmful words that came out of her mouth. She killed him. Annie said she killed Finnick. Annie blamed her. Annie hated her. How could she blame her though, when she was feeling the same hatred towards herself?

Because of her, many, many people died. Finnick was just one of the many men and women that Katniss had killed during this rebellion crap. Her home was destroyed because of her, for crying out loud!

Her sister was dead. Because of the war. And the war was her fault.

Had she not taken those fucking berries out, had she just died in the Games, the people of the Districts wouldn't have seen it as an act of defiance, and they wouldn't have rebelled. Therefore, the war wouldn't be going on between the Capitol and the Districts.

It was her fault. Prim was dead, because of her. The fact that she couldn't look at Gale the same way without thinking about how it was his bomb design, it killed Katniss as well. But again, it was her fault. No one else is to blame for all that, she knew.

Sobs raked her body as she thought about it.

The next slap to the face came from her fellow Victor of the 74th Hunger Games, her love, her one and only. Peeta tried many, many times to get Katniss to talk to him, but nothing came out of her except defensive snaps at him. Slowly they started distancing each other, until finally, Katniss didn't trust even her own heart and soul.

And just like that, slap. Another scar. Another insecurity surfaced. One more thing to add to the list of _"Why Life was Not Worth It."_

"You can't put yourself back together on your own you know.", he had told her, shaking his head in concern. "You need to know that getting help is good, Katniss. I'm not going to sit here and watch you shut down. I won't let you disappear from me again just because of your damn pride."

He was right, she knew he was, but she knew for all the wrong reasons. Peeta, though not intentionally, helped break her in half. Because of those words, Katniss started seeing herself as weak, useless. So, in theory, because of him, she started studying every flaw she had, until it was the only thing she could see.

There were countless of other things that led to this girl's downfall, but really, it didn't matter anymore. Katniss was broken, she was broken beyond repair, and the only way she thought she could escape this twisted life was leaving it behind, permanently.

And that's how she ended up pointing the gun to her temple in front of a mirror, her hand shaking incredibly as she tried to find the strength to pull the trigger. The tears haven't stopped, the pain hasn't left, and the will to live has disappeared.

One last murmur of love to the man she was leaving behind...

One last plea to her sister in the afterlife...

One last apology to the poor mad girl she helped emotionally destroy...

One last breath...

One last glance...

_Boom._

And the Rebellion's Mockingjay could no longer take flight.

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**So. Yeah. That happened. **

**Reviews are welcome:) encouraged actually. **

**And I'm going to try and start writing for my other stories again, hopefully. **

**Until then, we'll see what life has got in store. **

**Bye~ **


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